The Pain Period



When I started with pickup, I had a question stuck in my head: “how long will the pain period last?
But first of all, what is the pain period?

Everyone learning a new skill, will sooner or later experience pain period, mostly at the beginning of their journey. That range of time while you’re struggling to see any improvements is called pain period. It’s usually the time people decide to give up, cause they see no point in struggling and having no results.

Let’s assume you want to learn how to play the guitar. The first months will just be about fingers’ pain and bad chords. You have to keep going for months before you can play decently and far more to call yourself a guitarist.

Especially in pickup, pain period is one of the toughest thing to overcome and it’s the main reason why lots of players give up.
That’s why only stubborn and motivate guys succeed in this game.

My pain period lasted around one year while I received tons of NOs, fake numbers and I’ve been involved in ridiculous conversations. I was exhausted by all the rejections, thinking that my situation was desperate. The thought “I’m fated to be a loser with women” was almost a certainty.


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But I hanged in there, cause I knew the existence of pain period.

One of the biggest problems nowadays is what’s called the “here and now” lifestyle. People want to reach their goals as soon and as easily as they can, loosing the value of fighting for something.

Getting good in pickup is far from “here and now”. It is a constant fight against your mind, losing the battle every single day and starting again the day after.
Do not trust who promise you “You’ll lose approach anxiety in a weekend”. The bitter truth nobody tells you is that you have to train your mind for months before you can enjoy the process.

How long pain period last?

It’s not easy to make a precise calculation, and the pain period’s duration depends on 3 different factors that I analyzed in this article.
Based on my experience I can say that it lasts, by and large, between 1 and 2 years.

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This doesn’t mean that you won’t see any results in this stage, but that it won’t be a pleasant activity.

How to stay focus?

As I said, lots of guys gets tired of being at war with their mind. At the end they just surrender avoiding the stress.

But there’s an easy way to stay motivated: you should concentrate on the small steps ahead of you.

Your journey is paved with multiple finish lines, that could appear irrelevant but they’re important nevertheless. Detach your mind from huge goals like having in your bed a Victoria Secret’s model. Focus on smaller results.

I’m talking about approaching a girl in daylight when you thought it was impossible.
I’m talking about chatting with her for 5 minutes.
I’m talking about making her laugh.
I’m talking about asking her number even if she says no.

If you achieve these goals one by one, you’ll realise your growth in pickup. Remember, success is a long ladder, one step at the time.
And that’s the secret about how to enjoy the journey.

A good way to spot these little progresses, is to keep a diary where you write down all your approaches. Writing your interactions will make you focus on the things you can improve in your game.

Write your stuff, hang in there and trust the process.
Just the strong ones get good in this stuff.

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