Do you have a friend or have you met someone with the ability to attracts people without saying a single word?
Everyone sooner or later meet people like this, the kind of person who steps in the room and everyone take notice.
This special aura that influences and inspires others is called “charisma” or “confidence”.
We think of “confidence” as a natural skill, something you either have or don’t have. But this is totally wrong. What you don’t notice in self confidence people, is all the time they’ve spent working on themselves and on their character. They’re human beings so they have fears and doubts like the rest of us. But they had the courage to confront their fears, challenge themselves, push their limits, make mistakes and fix them.
If we don’t feel confident is because we didn’t take the chance to become confident. We’ve been blocked by our own fears and we simply gave up when we had the opportunity to build up our personality.
The key to become confident is indeed to accept our fears and use them to know in which area of our life we need development.
But there are other steps to build self confidence. Here’s a list of the 5 most important ones:
1) Talk with purpose
It’s common in social situations to be overcome by anxiety. We are afraid the other person’s opinion, to result boring, we are afraid of awkward silences and tons of other things…
We try to solve these uncomfortable moments, covering the embarrassment with words.
This is one of the main behaviours of an insecure person.
The confident person doesn’t need to entertain. He talks with purpose, just when he wants or he needs to explain a concept.
There are different way to speak with purpose but you mainly have to follow this advice: don’t say something to expect a reaction. Be focus on the outcome is the main mistake in personal growth as well as in social dynamics.
Speak truly when you want to say something and don’t mind the consequences of your words. The result of this is that some people will hate your direct manners, but some people will adore you for that.
2) Move with purpose
Cover blanks with words isn’t the only clue to identify an insecure person. Even his body can’t contain the amount of anxiety and it results in swift and meaningless movements.
Being confident means acknowledge feelings, let them flow in the body but don’t be controlled by them. Movements should be slow, done with purpose, performed being anchored in the present moment. Charismatic people give the impression to taste every moment of a simple movement as drinking water from a glass.
What most people don’t know, is that our body language not only influences others, but we are the first person to be influenced by it! The easiest way to get out of a stress state is to acknowledge the feelings in our body and assume a strong body language.
Keeping a strong position even for 5 minutes can change drastically your mental state. This is something speakers use over and over before getting on stage.
3) Focus on the good things
This is a mistake we all tend to do from time to time. We focus on bad outcomes and we spend lots of time commiserating and brooding about bad results.
What we rarely do is instead be proud of our good results, even the small ones.
It would help a lot of people to practice gratitude for the blessings they have instead of focusing on the stuff that they think needs changing.
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Focusing on good results gives us the motivation we need to keep facing challenges. Confident people use motivation as a fuel tank, to keep them going after facing a failure.
Commiserating generates just more fear.
A good technique to get out from a negative thinking is to put on paper all the opposite thoughts to dismantle the bad ones. It takes not more than 10 minutes and it creates immediate results.
4) Good deeds
Doing good deeds doesn’t just help the person who receives it, but it helps as well the giver to be happier, more relaxed and open to social interaction in the future. It all results in a better self-opinion!
Performing small acts of kindness can in fact make you healthier and more confident.
Good deeds are a perfect therapy to socially-anxious individuals. A study from the University of British Columbia found that people with high levels of anxiety who performed kind acts for others at least six times a week had significantly increased positive moods.
Do you need any suggestion on which kind actions you could do on a daily basis? Take a look to this list of 21 ways to do a good deeds.
5) Take care of your body
Our body and our mind are connected. Being in a good shape is not just important for our health and beauty. It is directly connected with our mood and our personality.
Doing exercises regularly helps relieve tension and get rid of negative energy. It releases endorphins, natural painkillers that give your body and your mood a natural boost.
At the same time is important to be clean and dress clean. Take a shower after you wake up and wear something you feel good in. Clothes and feeling fresh new are total mood elevators.
Caring about the way you look is important to your self esteem and it change the perception you give to other people.
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